I read a review of this book, a month back, in the newspaper somewhere. I cannot recollect even a bit about what the critic had to say. The name of the author and the cover of the book stayed with me, unconsciously.
While browsing through a roadside bookstore, I picked up this book and bought it for cheap.
Once I started reading, I could not let go. I like her style. Pacy and the word play is interesting.
It was well written. Upto some point before the climax began.
A story that could have been told in a better way. Or rather in could have ended in a better fashion. The characters, the two sets of twins, the secrets and lies, all seemed real. And believable. The story seemed true, happening. Even Elspeths ghost was amusing.

I guess the author got bored, towards the end. She gave up imagining and simply delivered a hasty culmination of a depressing, hurried kind. The characters all showed unreal traits, suddenly.
A ghost mother entered her daughters body, killing her for good and resurrecting herself. A girl who found comfort and peace in her identical twin for 20 years, suddenly detested their mystifying relationship.
A young lover; well, not very young, mourned for his love and then fell for her daughter, their resemblance being the catalyst here. But then conceives a child with his dead lover’s ghost residing in her daughters’ body.
A man suffering from OCD, refused to leave his house, even for one second, finds himself making a journey to another country.

Ah! If only she could have continued writing the way she began. I would pass of this book as entertaining. It makes me sad. A waste of a book that showed much promise

A strong sense of déjà vu clutched me while reading this part where Martin talks about Marijke to Julia.
Maybe I read this bit in the review.
Maybe not.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day.


No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;
Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!
Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,
Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee.
Thy oaths I quit, thy memory resign;
Forget, renounce me, hate whate'er was mine.
Fair eyes, and tempting looks (which yet I view!)



~~Alexander Pope




“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

~~Neil Gaiman quotes

And the importance of the biggest question in my life changes when I see a white BMW pass by me on the streets.
And I wonder if I will ever be able to own a car like that.
And sometimes I feel if the biggest question is if God exists, and then I put that thought on hold. It is a neutral sentence now.
And when I ponder that does someone else feel the way I do, I feel lost. That question is best left unanswered because I would be terrified by either of the two answers that are possible in this context.

The way I feel about rain on the street or blood on the street.
The way I feel about dawns and twilights.
The way I lose my breath when I see exquisite cloud formations, created by who knows what.
The way little things have me hooked.
The way I see marvels even in the ordinary.

A vaccuum that needs to be pushed away.

A palm filled with gravity.

An idea which is almost in my orbit.

An ocean of stars and planets.

A milky way filled with blue and green water.

A glimmer of sun on my toe-nail.

With random words and meaningless sentences,

I will play,
tonight.

Oh baby. I want to sink, evaporate, sublime, vanish from this moment and come alive in you.
Should I sigh and take your name
Or should I take your name and sigh.
What will shock you more?
What will make you fall down weak, and complete in sheer disbelieve?


Now I am lying on a bed of letters the words and lines flying above me.
And something passes by and the sun in my eyes and I close my eyes.
I see a bloody image of you smiling.
And my heart aches no more.

My train passed over the bridge slowly. And I saw the water sparkling below. I saw the sun in every wave of the green waters. And on looking closely, I saw what looked like thousands of little silver blades. Is this my eyes wanting to see fishes or are they really fishes. Guess I will never know, I thought. It was a long bridge. And the train was crawling on the iron tracks.
And I wanted to know the answer. Wanted more than anything more to know what they were.
I was bewildered at my own thoughts. And the train stopped moving. All the commuters looked restless. The sun was burning a hole on the tin roof. And from the sea of people around me, I found myself getting up and moving towards the door. I saw the incredulous look on their faces.
They were wondering what they could not fathom. I saw them yell at me, their voice not reaching my ears, when I looked back. I stepped down on the burning rails.
I walked the path the train had left behind. I walked looking for a shore, walked with only one thing on my mind. What were those things? I heard the train’s engine starting. I looked back and saw the train coming to life. I saw troubled faces, people asking me to come back to safety. What will she do all alone in the middle of nowhere, they must have thought.
And from them I saw a man step down. I saw him run towards me. I kept walking. Peering through the sun and seeing faint steps leading to the waters below, on the left.
All in a hazy light, I felt his hand on my arm. Come with me, the train is not too far. Before I could speak, we heard a creak. And then a bloodcurdling screech of metal against metal. We turned back horrified. And saw the train, derailed, slanting against the bridge, at an unimaginable angle. Like a giant caterpillar having a mighty web-less fall. We saw people falling out too, flying in midair. Like pollens of dust against the bright sky. In morbid fascination, we looked at the train twisting and falling into the river below. And sinking smoothly to the river bed.

Below the little silver blades.